


I was there

by iSpiritual



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Cheating Dean Winchester, F/M, Heartbreak, Spoilers, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iSpiritual/pseuds/iSpiritual
Summary: The whiskey bottle is almost half way done, ‘’It was always somebody else; Lisa, Anna, Jo, Bela, Cassie, Lydia and the countless unnamed women.’’





	I was there

‘’It hurts Dean.’’

‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’Sorry for what?’’

You turn to face him pain stricken eyes looking directly into his, ‘’What are you sorry for, Dean?’’

He opens and closes his mouth trying to from words, ‘’For what I did.’’

‘’What did you do?’’

He clenches his eyes close and shakes his head, ‘’Please.’’

‘’Tell me.’’

You’re surprised you can keep your tone of you voice calm and steady, when all you want to do is cry and scream at him. Dean on the other hand is panic stricken and looks like he wants nothing more than to run, his eyes are burning with unshed tears. Still he remains silent refusing to answer your question.

You sigh, ‘’I’ve been through hell and back with you, literally.’’

‘’I was there when Sam died, and you sold your soul for him,’’ You pause the memory still very strong even after all the years that have passed, ‘’I was there the day you were ripped apart by hellhounds; I cried over your body.’’

‘’(First) –‘’

‘’Don’t interrupt me.’’ You cut him off with a scowl and walk over to pour yourself a glass of whiskey; normally you wouldn’t drink it, but you needed something strong to get you through this. It burns your throat and you supress the urge to cough, you pick up the bottle and sit down at the table.

‘’I was a mess for those four months but I wasn’t angry at you because I understood why you did it,’’ the whiskey goes down a little smoother the second time, ‘’Then you came back and you was angry at Bobby and I when we didn’t know where Sam was; I always knew that you secretly blamed me for his addiction.’’

When did looks away you know what you said is true, ‘’Again I understood, instead of working with him I let him go. He was adamant that he was going to get you out of hell, but I was to grief stricken, when I found out what he was doing I hated myself.’’

Watching Sam fall into addiction when there was a possibility that you could have done something to stop it almost killed you. You saw him change from a sweet young man to someone you’d never expected him to be. Dean never told you explicitly that he blamed you, but you knew, you always knew.

‘’You seemed so normal when you returned from hell but underneath that I saw how much pain you were in; the guilt of torturing the souls of people.’’ You scowl, ‘’Then they made you torture Alastair and that was the first time I had even been scared around you.’’

Dean makes a choked sound, ‘’I wasn’t scared of you but for you, I saw this darkness that you’d had been hiding and then I watched him beat you half to death; I couldn’t do anything.’’ You paused to take a breath, ‘’I was completely helpless if it wasn’t for Sam that day you would have died.’’

‘’I know.’’ His voice is rough from fighting back tears he is stood watching, ‘’Not long after that Ruby tried to kill me, but I never told you about it because I knew you’d use it against Sam. I tried to keep him away, but fucking Ruby was a manipulative bitch who played him like a fiddle and made him open Lucifer’s cage.’’

You empty the last of the glass and fill it again, ‘’That was a rough time.’’

‘’Playing mediator between you and Sam, trying to stop you from become Michael’s puppet, when you almost killed me when War made us all think we was possessed by demons.’’ The whiskey doesn’t burn your throat anymore, but the tears do, ‘’Then famine happened and all I did was sit and cry all the time, what a way to go hey? Crying yourself to death.’’

You run your finger around the rim of the glass, ‘’We shared a moment after that then had sex that night. I woke up the next morning to an empty bed and you pretending as if it didn’t happen.’’

You looked at Dean, ‘’Do you know how much that hurt?’’

When he once again didn’t answer, and you shook your head, ‘’Of course you didn’t.’’

‘’Then when Sam sacrificed himself for humanity you left me alone and went to Lisa, but again I understood why, and I couldn’t hate you for it because you’d lost Sam and you needed something that only she could offer you.’’

The whiskey bottle is almost half way done, ‘’It was always somebody else; Lisa, Anna, Jo, Bela, Cassie, Lydia and the countless unnamed women.’’

‘’I never slept with Jo.’’

‘’But you wanted to Dean.’’ You licked your lips, ‘’I never said anything till now because back then I couldn’t we wasn’t together, but I loved you Dean.’’

You polished off the glass, ‘’I was there when Sam came back soulless, comforted you when you asked Cas to remove Lisa and Ben’s memory. I was there when Cas went missing after the Leviathans were released.’’

You stood up, ‘’I was the one that comforted you when Bobby died!’’

At the mention of your surrogate father’s death the tears you’ve been holding fall, ‘’I made sure that you ate and didn’t drink yourself to death, I carried both you and Sam through that time while I was trying not to drown.’’

There is nothing that can stop you now as you release the pain and anger that you’ve been holding, you tell him everything and by the end he is crying to.

‘’Then finally after years we become a couple and everything that I’ve been through was worth it and then you got the mark, but it didn’t make me love you any less.’’ You smile sadly, ‘’Then you died and once more I was weeping over your body and you came back as a demon.’’

Dean puts his hand on your arm to comfort you, but you shrug it off, ‘’I forgave you for everything because it was the demon and not you, I forgave you for sleeping with other woman and all the things you said to me as we tried to cure you.’’  

You take a breath, ‘’I even forgave you over the kiss with Amara because I understand the connect that she had with you and how she used it to manipulate you.’’

‘’(First) please –‘’

‘’Stop interrupting me!’’ You scream, and Dean visibly shrinks back, ‘’Even after everything I’ve forgiven you for and finally when we are in a good place when I couldn’t be happier. Imagine my surprise when I walk into the motel room to find you fucking another woman!’’

You collapse back into the chair sobbing heavily at the betrayal, after everything to realise that it had all been for nothing ripped you to shreds. He was never yours and never will be.

‘’I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Was she the only one?’’

When you look up at him it’s written all over his face, ‘’No she wasn’t.’’

‘’Then you’re not sorry, you’re only sorry because you got caught.’’

You stand up and wrap your arms around yourself, ‘’You never loved me, did you?’’

‘’I do.’’

‘’If you did you wouldn’t sleep with another woman.’’

You look down at the floor to gather yourself, ‘’I’m done Dean.’’

‘’D-done?’’

‘’I’m leaving I can’t forgive you this time Dean because this was all you,’’ You wipe your face with your sleeve, ‘’I’m tired of being second best.’’

‘’Please don’t leave me,’’ Dean is desperate now and you shake your head, ‘’Should have thought about the consequences of your actions.’’

He grasps your arm as you turn away from him, ‘’(First) please, I do love you and I’m sorry.’’

‘’Goodbye Dean.’’


End file.
